In the Time of Covid

"You have an unquiet mind." Fr says it in the same tone that he would say "you have hazel eyes", like it's a trait I must already know, and he's simply observing it. I’ve only lived in my mind, and I find it to be quite regular. Aldous Huxley said, "The essential substance of every thought and feeling remains incommunicable, locked up in the impenetrable strong-room of the individual soul and body.” In my experience, thoughts cannot be compartmentalized. Of course I'd heard people say, “leave your work at work” or “don’t bring your personal problems to the office,” and I suppose I thought I was able to do that, but then hindsight and current experience tell me that I have never had any idea how to do that. For example, after seeing Les Mis on Broadway in 7th grade, I could not leave that feeling in the theater and I was depressed for two weeks. I cried in church, at school, in bed, in the shower. The same thing happened the first time my hea...

Fr calls this The Soft Apocalypse. He stands in the kitchen where he just finished making Thai chicken for dinner and I am currently baking scones. Last night we ordered Ethiopian food from a restaurant in Columbia City.  He feigns distress, “Ugh. I’m mildly inconvenienced.”  My brother Seth (who by the way did not have Covid-19, just the regular pneumonia) wrote in our family text thread, "We're soft, and ill prepared, and have become used to luxurious comforts that even the most broke of us enjoy.” It’s true, we are weak. A month ago my only goal in life was to go home, and now I’ve been ORDERED BY THE GOVERNMENT TO STAY HOME as much as I can, and I’m upset because I can’t go to the Mexican restaurant. The last time I was in a grocery store I saw a child eating a bag of Cheetos saying, “I have to sit down. MOM! I HAVE to sit down.” His mother was hurriedly trying to find somewhere for her mildly uncomfortable child to sit with his Cheetos. We are a people who HAVE...

The only thing I have today is Happy birthday, Lindsey.  Lindsey is my best friend. She loved cats. She was a teacher. She spoke german. She liked coffee and fruit and cheese. She didn't have to blow dry her hair for it to be perfect and shiny. She was warm and joyful and one of the few people I loved to hug. She was kind to everyone she met. She made friends wherever she went. She made everyone feel important. I would have enjoyed being quarantined with her. We would have read books next to each other and then talked about them. We would have made and consumed eggless cookie dough, gone on walks, and planted a garden on the balcony. We would've bedazzled some face masks or sewn our own. She would've insisted we help any elderly neighbors. She would cook amazing things, and I would eat them. There would be dancing and impromptu audience-less karaoke. We'd go to bed at a reasonable hour because we are old now. There would be a cat involved. I wonder if she ...

“You know what song needs a revival?” I know I don’t need to answer, but I look at him to show I’m attending.  “Bobby McFerrin’s 'Don’t worry, Be happy.' But it’s ‘Worry, Be sad.” I continue looking at him as he begins to sing,      "Did you say your mom is dead?      Gotta tumor in your head?       Worry . . . be sad. . .      Sitting in a car that’s parked      Your mind goes somewhere really dark      Worry. . .  Be sad. (Worry, be sad now)” Inspired, I join in,       “Doo doo doo doo doo, doo da doo da doo doo doo (Worry)       doo da doo da doo da doo (Be Sad)       do da do da  doo…" Fr (speaking) "You just don’t know what’s going to happen. You don’t know.” ... On January 23, shortly after the US confirmed its first case of Covid-19 just north of Seattle, Fr's brother-in-law texte...

Last night I made mango curry that turned out to be too sweet, and watched “The Chinese Restaurant”: Seinfeld season 2, episode 11.  It’s like we’re all stuck in the Chinese restaurant, given arbitrary wait times, very hungry, anxious to get on with it, and someone yelling “Cartright!" like we're supposed to know what that means. Governor Inslee issued an order to shelter in place today: "Stay Home, Stay Safe." But don’t worry we can still get take out. And groceries. Also gas stations are still open. I realize people need gas, but there must be a way to prevent people from needing to go into the gas station. Child care centers are also open though it is common knowledge that kids are gross. Also 13 pages of “essential businesses” are still operating. So basically it’s like nothing is different, but you can’t go to the beach or hiking. Which probably means people will be wandering through their own neighborhoods in droves. Luckily or unluckily, it should be ra...

Today I realized that we all think “social distancing” means "don’t eat out." This morning Fr and I went on our breakfast drink walk stopping first at Bakery Nouveau for a scone. There were 4 people already in the bakery. A man in his mid 50’s ordering at the register, a woman in her 60’s with a gray ponytail 6 feet behind him, and a couple in their 30’s about 8 feet from her. Ordering Man was saying to the Couple Guy, “That’s not funny. That’s not f-ing funny.” Ponytail woman was saying something similar under her breath while giving disapproving glances, and Couple Woman was holding onto Couple Guy and trying to calm him down with flirty smiles and coos. Ponytail had about 15 feet of room to her right.  Fr stepped between Couple and Ponytail to better see what items were available; everyone still had about 4 feet of space, but this was not enough for Ponytail who shouted at him, “SIX FEET. social. distancing. ” Fr, ever the southern gentleman, immediately obliged. Or...

Last night in the shower I sang these words to the tune of John Lennon’s “Imagine". Apologies to John.  Imagine there’s no virus/ It isn’t hard to do./  Lots of san-i-tizer/ And toilet paper, too./  Imagine all the people/ Going out to eeeat/ E-E-EEE  . . .  Everyone is a little tense now. As I said before, we are collectively experiencing a traumatic event; no one is calibrated, no one is really secure, and here we are trying to navigate with no real leaders because they are also traumatized. When 9/11 happened, the whole country changed. But it was different because most people's lives were not directly affected. It’s not like the pillars of smoke were in every town. But this virus is in every town. Everywhere. What a beautifully unifying thing.  Fr and I are having stupid arguments. He’s working from home, and I’m sure that’s claustrophobic. I’m mostly working from home, but only for about half the day. So I take walks, go to the s...

I’m watching our across the street neighbors make out. Person 1 put their hood on and paced. Then person two appeared with a high messy bun and glasses. She put her arms around person 1 and they kissed. They are still kissing. A plant is slightly obstructing my view. I wonder if they can see me staring. Lately I’ve really been loving salted black licorice. My father adores BL, so maybe it's generic. But I like mine salted. The REALLY salty ones. Fr has said they are not an easy candy, and when I eat them, I feel masochistic. (This reminds me of the first time I order a salted Lassi with Fr. I asked if he wanted to try it. "Sure."  Salted lassis resemble vanilla milkshakes and taste like salted yogurt. He made the same face children make when they realize those aren’t chocolate chips, they are raisins.) The couple is gone.  This morning I found half a bag of salted licorice in one of my purses. I purchased this bag two weekends ago in Port Townsend and the c...

It’s Saint Patrick’s Day and no one remembered. Bars are closed. Most things are closed. Our school closed last week. Thursday the kids left. Friday was a planning day. Saturday Fr and I went to the Oregon coast.  Back then (2 days ago) restaurants were open. Bars. Galleries. Everything. Our hotel greeter coughed constantly and looked ill but wasn’t self conscious about it, which relieved me. I reveled in that unabashed cough because I was there to metaphorically stick my head into sand.  Man, there are a lot of fat, unhealthy, uninspired people in Seaside, OR. It’s like people want to get outside with their families, but not actually be active. I believe I can figure out if someone prefers the beach or the mountains by looking at their fitness level. If the person is willing to walk distances or up hills, they will prefer the mountains. This is why you rarely see overweight people on the trail. Anyway. It was nice at the coast. The fear hasn’t reached there yet...